i’m going to keep it a buck 50: i fear that this job is beneath me. not in the sense that it doesn’t matter—i adore being able to work in a project targeting increasing the acceptance of queer people but…well…it kinda sucks!!
ive been sitting on canva all day, like usual. mind you: i have a masters from nyu and will start my phd this fall. so very much not utilizing me as the employee i am. that’s not even to mention the fact that…well, i dont think this organization should be the one hosting this program under this grant. these things need to be housed in organizations specifically targeting queer individuals, not one that relegates all queer services to a dingy office in brooklyn…
idk…i guess i just feel stuck. the pay is also fucking ASS!! i make money thank god but it ain’t shit for the amount of education i have. ugh. whatever. ill just suck it up and keep it pushing!! besides, come july, im OUTTA HERE‼️
obligatory picture of my sweet baby sleeping in my lap hehe
apologies for the absence. i began my full time job (what i’m calling my “waiting room job”) on september 8th, and since then i’ve gone to work and come home everyday like a little zombie…
the good news is ive officially been accepted to a phd program!! uconn, to be specific. i interviewed with upenn last week as well. hazaah!!! after i commit to a school, ill do a full write-up examining the process i took spending the last 5 years preparing to enter a program.
for now, i want to leave you with the news that i have, officially, switched to apple music.
also, our country is falling apart and im scared. what a time to be alive…
MY KOREAN IS GOING WELL, THOUGH!! 파이팅!! 한국어를 배우는 정말 재미있어 ㅇㅅㅇ
it’s 6:27am right now and im about to start getting ready for work. ive been wanting to post here for the past week, but i keep finding myself hesitating. why?! i should just feel happy to post!
i think i will soon add a section on my cd collection to this website. theyre so important to me and, honestly, it gives me something to write about. maybe ill also share some of my current writings ive been doing for my story. my mother is pushing me to publish (for money), but i need to finish it before i can even think of that.
now i need to get up and shower. today’s another day at work, so i gotta get to it. feeling free releasing myself from the feeling that everything i do here must be orderly. it’s my website. let me have some fun!!
oh yeah, and it was persephone’s birthday this past friday on the 26th! my familiar is 3 now! hooray!!
this morning, i left the house at 7:30 in the morning to venture across brooklyn for work. im in an interesting place with my job: if a better paying offer came, i cannot confidently say i would not take it. however, it is not that i dislike the job. no, in fact, i rather enjoy how easy it is for me. not much to do, either way (though my supervisor seems to believe it to be a busy period).
one thing i enjoy about my morning rides (multiple buses…if you know, you know) is how long they are. really. i get to sit and do nothing of worth for about and hour. then i do the same at work (at least, im struggling to find my personal worth there currently, but i digress) and then go home. then we do it all over again tomorrow. not necessarily a bad deal, right? for the amount i get paid, it does seem a bit much. but, still, this is the most ive ever made.
i work on my story a lot in the mornings as i obsess over my MTA or google maps app to make sure i dont miss my stop (an eternal fear of mine). depending on traffic im either 10 or 30 minutes early, which gives me even more time to sit around in the office, haha ^^ i think that ive fallen back into the routine of going somewhere daily and having tasks.
i recognize that this role is more so a hold over as i apply to phd programs again this fall. i hope to document some of that here, too (since you’re being held captive and forced to listen to me anyways). quite embarrassing to, as a vampire, have to petition beings with far less lived experience than i to…let me study under them. but, this is something i have not pursued before. it gets slow after five hundred years (well, 250 was when i really started to yawn), so im going for it. round three!
anyways, the work day ends at five, im home by six fifteen, and the world is mine again. miss persephone awaits (and i thank her for holding down the fort). i have some things to do after work, including acquiring sustenance for my dear familiar. as for me, my last meal was quite unsatisfactory. it’s always a shame when the blood bank is out of my favorites (apologies to the poor human who met that gruesome fate…i was just so hungry). i also need to get some…”human” medicines. time starts to get to you, and i will commend you all for the development of these “pills”. what a life saver (for me haha)!
a couple of months ago, i developed the desire to create content. not in the online influencer, content creator sort of way. but, rather, in the sort of…strange, over 500 years old new the whole game sort of way. which is fitting, considering. these past few weeks, however, have reminded me of something important: the content you put out matters. especially when it comes to begging for advertisers and monetization, or sponsorships and an audience. that thought made me nervous. that meant i wouldnt be the sole decider of what kind of content i was creating. and that was something that irked me.
plus…i kind of did not like having to either be on video or use my voice. i don’t mind it, but i like my thoughts a lot more than being a physical being. i hope someone understands that. having lived for so many years, i suppose i have some knowledge that i can pass on to others. but what’s the fun in passing on knowledge? no, the content i want to create is about me. is that too selfish?
well, maybe not about me but, rather, about what i want to share. my thoughts, my writings, my creations, and (mostly) my life. even my sweet familiar persephone, who has kept me company through these trying times.. i have seen tons of advice telling me to “cultivate an audience”. first of all, my audience is the human race. it’s as simple as that. but, secondly, what other answer was expected? those who once i identified with so closely all those years ago are obviously those who i seek to reconnect with.
of course, there would be no hard feelings if someone were to, say, accuse me of spreading propaganda-vampire propaganda. some might even say it comes inherently with being a vampire and all. im here to say it plain and simple
look at me…why wouldn’t i?
⋆✴︎˚｡⋆i am here to spread pro-vampire propaganda⋆✴︎˚｡⋆
no ifs, ands, or buts about it. and, honestly, what’s the harm? your human coalitions and so-called countries do the same. propagating machines are being built that will be studied by scholars for the rest of time as the world continues to fall apart. side note: what are you all doing? how have you fallen so far from such greatness? and no i don’t mean that kind of greatness. but i digress. if you came to this blog seeking unbiased opinions on vampires, you are sorely lost. if you came seeking unbiased opinions at all, you dont understand the human mind and the perverse nature of bias.
i want to welcome you to my website, who is still being…developed. contrary to popular belief, i have spent the past several years mastering these human technologies in order to consume as much content i enjoy as possible (im testing out hedonism. if only for a moment). that is to say, whilst working full time to survive in the rubble you have made of my world, i am also managing this site and continuing my 100k+ word story. im not here to call you lucky, as your fate may be…darker than that. especially if your scent is to my liking. but i suppose i cant bite you over the internet, nor can you banish me. so…welcome!
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